As many of you know, six days ago I was involved in a car accident on my way to Chattanooga. The amount of support and prayers I have received from so many people has been beyond encouraging to me this past week. I must say, I never thought something like this would happen to me. I feel that we all live that way. I watched many of my closest friends struggle with life and death situations all through my high school years and even this past year away at college. I've learned how to deal with such things in my own way up until now. Now it's my life that was almost taken- my life that God so graciously allowed to continue.
It's really easy for me to put on a smile and face the world... face the comments, reactions, and responses I receive constantly from everyone who heard about the accident. And I am truly blessed to have so many people who care this deeply about my life. But it's been a struggle. My battle with depression over the last 5 or so years has caused me to spend countless days wondering why I'm here, not caring about whether or not I make it, and even, at times, wishing I wasn't here at all. But last Thursday night as I lost control of that wheel, I knew I was going to die... and I have never been more scared of anything in my entire life. I will never forget that feeling. And as soon as it was over and I crawled out of that car, I knew that God had just given me the greatest gift in the world... not only life, but the desire to live. He showed me that He was not done with me yet- that His plans go far beyond anything I have planned for myself.
I am so thankful for my life and for a God who is so loving and so in control of everything in it. Now I just have to learn how to move forward. Even as the pain lessens and my scars fade, I have a lot of mental and emotional healing to do. Right now I still spend the majority of my day replaying the accident over and over again in my head- reliving every image, every sound, and every fear. It's weighing me down more than I could have ever imagined, and sometimes it seems like it's far too much for me to handle. But I know this isn't forever. I know that God is right here every step of the way and this is the path He has prepared for me. I shouldn't have been able to walk away from that car... but I did, and because of that... because of God... life goes on.
